We're invaded by white people

David Sherman

Our town has been invaded, overrun, seized, plundered and pillaged. By white people. Thousands and thousands roar in, clog streets, parking lots, take jobs and the best tables at restaurants. They even make reservations. They even know how to use phones, though most are probably stolen.

They walk down the street with impunity, sit on park benches and use public washrooms, leaving germs from who knows where. They pretend to be using our soap and hot water. In reality, they take it home in their pockets. Marjorie Taylor Greene told me.

White people are an invasive species. I’ve seen on TV. They eat kidneys plucked from lambs, livers from defenseless calves, hearts from big, beautiful chickens. Whole fish and cattle nostrils. Tucker Carlson did an exposé on how white people rip the nostrils from millions of cows and turn them into shoes, though most prefer bare feet, memories from their jungle days.

Some invading women wear tiny skirts and small tops, revealing acres of flesh, causing other white people to walk into walls or drive into the back of our cars, leading us into temptation, trying to destroy our sacred marriage bonds.

They drive trucks and SUVs and motorcycles built to deafen us, their pipes roaring through the mountains. They also drive camper vans the size of Greyhound buses, pulling small cars with motorcycles and bicycles attached. All in case they have to make a quick getaway.

They frequently crash into each other, run over people, kill dogs, cats, deer, squirrels, skunks and crows, then scoop them up and put them in soups. Jesse Watters told me.

White people have ruined our forests, turning our proud maple trees blood red and orange, defiling our national symbol.

These unwanted pale skins clog sidewalks as they stand and chatter like the birds they frighten, slurp ice cream made from abusing cows. They they tip clerks and service people. When not fuelling inflation with gratuitous tipping, they take the jobs themselves, playing imposter by trying to be polite and courteous when we all know what they really want is to eat our chickens’ livers and cow’s nostrils.

They go to bars and restaurants and drink excessively, turning our roads into demolition derbies. Last week I saw two white people in cars crash into each other, their injuries cluttering our hospital beds. Sick white people crowd into our emergency and operating rooms, waste our doctors’ time and medical resources.

One group of whites let their house catch fire, bringing police and ambulances and firefighters, endangering lives and sullying our rural silence with sirens, our air with stench of burnt house.

Worse, some rent summer homes in groups, pollute our lakes, hook our fish, sleep three or four to a room, partying late into the night, drinking and cavorting and doing imaginable, disgusting things with each other. I have video I took while investigating through their windows.

If they don’t braise them, they torture dogs and cats. They tether dogs to themselves by wrapping leather leashes around their necks and dragging them down the streets after letting them defile our fire hydrants and lamp posts. They do the same. Laura Ingraham, a truth teller, told me so.

Some suffocate them in their hand bags, as they do with cats before they eat them and use their fur for slippers winter hats. I saw it on the Internet.

Worse, they eat dogs, hot, steamed or grilled, sandwiched in a pasty bun the colour of their flesh – pure white – and bury the rolled slurry of hound in splashes of yellow and green sludge and white vegetable slivers. They eat these with slices of potato dipped in boiling oil and then drenched in salt and blood-red glop. They can’t get enough blood. These white people are actually vampires, lusting for the blood of our children. I saw it on Newsmax.

They own rifles and bows and arrows and blast defenceless Bambis and eat them, buckshot and all. Not really human, their digestive systems can handle simmered metal and steel and plastic. Some, rather than scrap their cars, put them in stews along with oil and gas, power steering and brake fluid and feed it to their children, with a side of boiled seats and sauteed windshield. Tires they put in blenders and make radial-steel kibble and feed to their pet grizzlies. I saw it on Fox News.

They also have an odd appetite for leaf blowers and lawn mowers which they use to mince Canada geese and barbecue and eat after a summer of deafening us with blowing and mowing or mowing and blowing.

And that’s not to mention their fascination with chain saws and their genetic compulsion to cut down trees, chop them into pieces to burn and turn the air we breathe black. They are immune to smog, says democracy defender Stephen Miller, who knows, having lost his hair to smog.

Another abscess on our way of life is their strange behaviour on what used to be tennis courts. They took the pickles from their hamburgers and turned them into balls and play what they call pickleball. Old white people take a paddle used for spanking children and stand motionless, hitting a ball of pickles over a net to other motionless old white people. They then eat the pickles and the paddle, grilled, says gourmet and curry expert, Laura Loomer, a close personal friend of I don’t know who.

Worst of all, they use the supermarket, where they pilfer shopping carts, walk-in clinics and bakeries, forcing us to wait in line behind them. They even crowd the café we frequent, eating the last of the croissants, taking the last table in the sun and filling the parking lot with their shiny cabins on wheels.

White people have invaded and taken over the town and act as if it’s their home. They need to be sent back to where they came from.