Talkin’ Deep State Conspiracy Blues

Earl Fowler

Great horny-toads, Meemaw! Woke up in a cold sweat and sat bolt upright in bed last night when it occurred to me that Trumpistan II might be a plot by the Deep State to discredit us QAnon shamans once and for all.

I mean, just think about it!

When tens of millions of people start to suffer and die horribly and needlessly because of vaccine antagonist RFK Jr.’s dismantling of the health and food safety systems; when blood runs in the streets over the coming brutal sweep to enforce mass deportations and put American-born children in cages; when (as is already happening) aspiring Nazi stormtroopers feel emboldened to parade with swastika flags outside theatrical performances of The Diary of Anne Frank in rural Michigan (albeit with some very fine people on both sides); when recently tamed inflation skyrockets again and the U.S. economy tanks because of internecine impositions across the world of tariffs and counter-tariffs and the Great Leader’s arrogant and incompetent fumbling with the central banking system; when NATO is disbanded and state security secrets are shared with psychopathic Russian gangsters who don’t know how lucky they are, boy, back in the reconstituted USSR; when it turns out that climatologists were right all along in their warnings about fossil fuels and that smart people who go to college and meet professional standards actually do know more than unschooled cretins on TikTok or misogynistic imbeciles with puerile podcasts, well, I’m just saying that we could be setting ourselves up for a bit of a backlash from the enemies within, Meemaw!

In the future, after seeing mere harebrained anarchy loosed upon the world, people who snoozed through Grade 10 science classes might not be as eager to embrace cock-and-bull stories that water fluoridation causes cancer or that there are biochemical agents in chemtrails that the Deep State uses for mind control or that cell towers cause COVID or flu vaccines cause autism or that a shot of bleach or horse medicine a day will keep the monkeypox away.

Oh, them Deep State body snatchers are a crafty bunch! You have to give ’em that, Meemaw.

But even if (white Christian nationalist God forbid!) Make America Hate Again conspiracy theorizing falls out of favour for a while and a majority decides that the lamestream media have been telling the truth — about as likely an eventuality as the election of an articulate female Black-South Asian president — I could always pop through the escape hatch outlined in the final verse of the patriotic Sixties anthem “Talkin’ John Birch Society Blues.”

Well, I finally started thinkin’ straight

When I run outta things to investigate

I couldn’t imagine nothin’ else

So now I’m home investigatin’ myself

Hope I don’t find out too much, good God!

Other than eating the dogs and the cats, that is. Maybe the occasional possum.

Yeehaw, Meemaw!

But wouldn’t it be just my luck if that Dylan dude turned out to be a Jew?