Him and the Other Guys Like Him

By Fred Reed

Who are you looking at, smart ass? It wasn’t me. It was the other guy; him, over there.

The Chinese guy, the one who used to run the laundry. Now he makes the washing machine and the computer that runs the factory that makes the washing machine. That’s right, he’s the one!

It all started with him. They eat raw bats, like everybody knows. From there it was a hop, skip and jump into where we are now, with people getting infected right and left. Left, mostly, because the Chinese guy is a communist; they all are. So he ate this bat and that somehow turned into a small local outbreak of flu with people sneezing and coughing. From then on it’s not clear but we have all the evidence we need that it was him, and other guys like him, shifty orientals all of ‘em, that packaged it and put it on a plane and sent it over here.

No describing how shifty these people are. Around the same time they sent some of the stuff to Iran or somewhere like that, where some people got a bit sick, and then a lot of people got real sick and some died even. So they claim. Can’t trust ‘em.

What I think is that the Iranians, who are also shifty orientals though not slant-eyed like the Chinese guy and are carpet sellers, shook it from a salt-shaker onto one of those fancy rugs of theirs and shipped it off to some other countries, whose names I don’t really know all that well. Anyway, those places don’t like Iran and they figured—makes sense—that it was some kind of plague they sent to make people sick. Mayne that’s how it got here too.

You can see just how it works, using someone’s ‘flu bug to infect people you don’t like.

I know some of these people, and let me tell you, they’re all the same as far as I’m concerned. So now they’re all getting sick. Can’t stand any of ‘em.

The other day I heard how some people in Europe, where there’s a bit of ‘flu bug going around, say that now foreigners and immigrants are making everybody sick. Doesn’t surprise me one bit.

But what isn’t funny is that now people around here are getting this ‘flu and businesses are closing and going broke and some people are out of work. Just loafers all of ‘em, I say. Now we even have to wear these masks and stop driving around!

So there are a few people getting sick. May ‘em pay, I say. All these people that fed us bad info, that didn’t tell us we could get sick. Let them pay the bills. My insurance sure won’t. Let those slick fast-talking bureaucrats pay, big time. Let those international organizations WHO and WHAT and SH*T pay too. What did they ever do for me.

Most of all, I’d like to get my hands on that Chinese guy. I got a nasty cough and my nose is running. The hospitals are busy they say; I hear sirens.